If I hear or see one more person say or write "Live. Laugh. Love." I just might punch someone.

MY GIRLFRIEND IS BETTER THAN YOURS

Today SH posed this question to me:

"Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla". Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an intelligence quotient of almost 85, and-most notably- a vague sense of self awareness. Oddly, the creature(who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at it's highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misderection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

you are commissioner of the nfl: would you allow this gorilla to sign with the oakland raiders?"

Possibly the most hilarious three laws ever:

If a builder builds a house, and constructs it well, the owner will pay two shekels for each surface of the house.

If, however, he does not succeed, and the house falls in, killing the owner, the builder will be killed.

If the son of the owner dies, the son of the builder shall be killed.

The things in my life that receive the most scorn are: things that are deemed good when they are average and things that have wasted potential.

More than two years after first hearing about "Garden State" I finally saw it and realized why I dislike it so much. It takes things that I can relate to and makes them seem trite. One thing I feel art should do, especially movies, is to comment on things in life and give a new view point or expand on an old one. Instead, "Garden State" takes things that are familiar to me and makes me hate them. It is one thing to be like "Just Friends" or "Step Up" because I know that those movies are going to be bad before I see them. "Garden State" on the other hand tricks you by examining aspects of life that are interesting but then does a bad job of following through with it.

It is unfortunate when things gain expectations for reasons beyond their control. I can imagine a universe where "Garden State" is a nice little film and everyone agrees that they wouldn't buy it for 10 but would buy it on sale for 5. Congratulations "Garden State" you're the Robert Gallery of movies.

Brain said: "I don't think I will ever feel sorry for Randy Moss."

Then Lan asked: "What if he got triple cancer?"

"Nope."

Then I asked: "What if he got triple murdered?"

"Nope."

Then Tony asked: "What if he got mana screwed?"

"I'm not sure."

I can't believe the NFL season is starting tomorrow! Ok, well I can believe it, I mean it happens every year, it's not that astonishing. The point is I can't wait to start watching games and looking at box scores! I suppose I can wait and will have to wait... infact I'm waiting right now. The point is that my favroite billion dollar corporation is about to start rendering its service to me and I'm excited.

Fuck international basketball. Who cares anyway?