"I didn't realize when he said he had a storage unit that he ment..."

"...A porch?" My co-worker and I finished our boss' thought.

"Yeah, I mean it's like some places in Texas-- 'We have both kinds of music, country and western.'"

"... Wait what?"

Today during lunch one of my fellow workers turned to me and said:

"Here's the perfect joke I came up with: What's two feet tall and red all over?"

"I don't know, what?" I said.

"A dead baby that got round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris."

Amidst all of this summer’s blockbusters it becomes pretty easy to miss something. No, I’m not talking about Angelina Jolie’s performance in A Mighty Heart; I'm talking about Andrew Fleming’s Nancy Drew. It’s not a good movie, that is unless you’re a pre teen middle class girl you’ll probably concentrate on the plot holes more than the mystery adventure aspects of the movie.

One of the few redeeming parts of Nancy Drew is one of the scenes when Nancy first gets to high school.

Jane: “Are those penny loafers?”

Nancy: “Yes, I find them very practical.”

Jane: “Oh because they look ridiculous, unless you’re wearing them ironically.”

The fact that this dialogue occurred in a major movie is a personal victory for me. It’s the first time that I’ve heard someone reference doing something ironically outside of my close friends. Hopefully it’ll start to pop up more and better places but until then here’s to Nancy Drew.

The race is on for 2008. All I have to say to the democrats is: "Just win baby!"

When Tiger Woods, on the 15th hole of the Masters on Sunday, hit his ball into the water my mom told me:

"Andy! Tiger Woods hit his ball into the water!"

"...Oh?..."

"Andy! Tiger Woods hit his ball into the water!"

"...Huh..."

"Andy! Tiger Woods hit his ball into the water!"

"That's great mom."

This may have to be filed under "Thanks for the update asshole" but I'm really tired of reading this headline:

"X killed in attack near Baghdad."

"Why did you do that?"

"I assumed that if I wasn't expected to do something that I normally do someone in charge, like you, would tell me not to do it."

"Well you know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of you and you."

"Wha... well, hm."