Fucking Righteous

2007-07-13T18:58:00.000-05:00

"I didn't realize when he said he had a storage unit that he ment..."

"...A porch?" My co-worker and I finished our boss' thought.

"Yeah, I mean it's like some places in Texas-- 'We have both kinds of music, country and western.'"

"... Wait what?"

2007-07-07T18:23:00.000-05:00

Today during lunch one of my fellow workers turned to me and said:

"Here's the perfect joke I came up with: What's two feet tall and red all over?"

"I don't know, what?" I said.

"A dead baby that got round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris."

2007-07-04T21:29:00.000-05:00

Amidst all of this summer’s blockbusters it becomes pretty easy to miss something. No, I’m not talking about Angelina Jolie’s performance in A Mighty Heart; I'm talking about Andrew Fleming’s Nancy Drew. It’s not a good movie, that is unless you’re a pre teen middle class girl you’ll probably concentrate on the plot holes more than the mystery adventure aspects of the movie.

One of the few redeeming parts of Nancy Drew is one of the scenes when Nancy first gets to high school.

Jane: “Are those penny loafers?”

Nancy: “Yes, I find them very practical.”

Jane: “Oh because they look ridiculous, unless you’re wearing them ironically.”

The fact that this dialogue occurred in a major movie is a personal victory for me. It’s the first time that I’ve heard someone reference doing something ironically outside of my close friends. Hopefully it’ll start to pop up more and better places but until then here’s to Nancy Drew.

2007-04-26T19:34:00.000-05:00

The race is on for 2008. All I have to say to the democrats is: "Just win baby!"

2007-04-09T22:24:00.000-05:00

When Tiger Woods, on the 15th hole of the Masters on Sunday, hit his ball into the water my mom told me:

"Andy! Tiger Woods hit his ball into the water!"

"...Oh?..."

"Andy! Tiger Woods hit his ball into the water!"

"...Huh..."

"Andy! Tiger Woods hit his ball into the water!"

"That's great mom."

2007-02-25T05:55:00.000-06:00

This may have to be filed under "Thanks for the update asshole" but I'm really tired of reading this headline:

"X killed in attack near Baghdad."

2007-02-16T03:22:00.000-06:00

"Why did you do that?"

"I assumed that if I wasn't expected to do something that I normally do someone in charge, like you, would tell me not to do it."

"Well you know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of you and you."

"Wha... well, hm."

2007-02-14T16:29:00.000-06:00

Some person's poem:

"I Am

Like the tiniest ant roaming the country side
I find myself searching for something
I'm hungry
For something that's hiding from me, very well
It doesn't want to be found at the moment
I'm scared
That I will never be where I'm supposed to be
At the right time and with the right person
I'm alone
With no one but myself to question my motives
Where I go, what I do, how do I do it?
I'm suffering
Until I can answer the questions of life
I will remain bound to the ants back
I'm wandering, hungry, scared and alone."

I'm not one to say that someone's feelings are wrong, but this is at least counter productive. My advice to everyone (Including myself) is: if you're unhappy or want someone to love or just want to be in a relationship the best thing to do is to try. Just go out there and ask whoever whatever you want, the worst case scenario is that they say no, and if that is the case whoever you asked is probably an asshole anyway. Love isn't something that magically happens it's more something that is created with day after day after day of hard work. Waiting around for the ideal relationship where you're not scared or worried is suicide in small doses because that which is ideal does not exist. Happy Valentines Day!

2007-02-08T23:02:00.000-06:00

"Why is that bitch on the news?... Oh, she died. Well, whatever."

2007-01-31T01:58:00.000-06:00

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

-Homer

Season two of The Simpsons "Lisa's Substitute"

2007-01-24T16:51:00.000-06:00

Life is like quarterbacks in the NFL; it's never as good as it seems, but it's also never as bad as it seems.

2007-01-21T12:34:00.000-06:00

"You don't see that very much anymore."

"Excuse me?"

"That's a nice jacket you have."

"Thanks, you just gotta keep supporting them."

"Too bad the Raiders are so bad."

"They're not that bad, you can see that the defense is actually pretty good if you watch all the games."

"The Raiders suck."

2006-12-07T21:57:00.000-06:00

"If I have a girl she probably won't like games much anyway."

"AND she'll be a girl, so who cares about her anyway?"

2006-12-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

There is a drive within me to prod and agitate people. Why do I do this and why doesn't everyone else find it as hilarious as I do?

2006-12-05T13:34:00.000-06:00

"...alot of people think this is just a job that you go to.....take a lunch hour, the jobs over, something like that. But...it's a 24 hour deal...no two ways about it....and what most people don't see: Just How Hard It Is To Do The Right Thing.
People think if I make a judgment call that it's a judgment on them...but that's not what I do and that's not what should be done...I have to take everything and play it as it lays. Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven and sometimes they need to go to jail. And that's a very tricky thing on my part...making that call...the law is the law and heck if I'm gonna break it...but you can forgive someone....? Well, that's the tough part....What Do We Forgive? Tough part of the job.....tough part of walking down the street..."

-JIM KURRING

From the movie Magnolia.

2006-11-08T02:18:00.000-06:00

How sweet it is.

2006-10-24T01:22:00.000-05:00

I just might get 22-9 tattooed on my arm.

2006-10-19T23:18:00.000-05:00

"That'll be $3.49."

"Fuck CVS."

"Excuse me?"

"I paid $6.99 for this no less than a week ago, fuck CVS!"

"Have a nice night!"

2006-10-12T22:48:00.000-05:00

Before the season started I thought maybe, just maybe, the Raiders might go eight and eight this season. After the first two games I realized that was far too optomistic. Then today I saw ESPN posing this question:

"Is there a team worse than the Raiders in recent memory?"

The fact that it is even being asked hurts more than if it is true or not.

2006-10-10T18:55:00.000-05:00

Another piece of the puzzle has fallen into place for me.

In second grade, on a friday right before school let out, my teacher Mrs. Rooso told us to find out our address and phone number because on Monday we would be presenting that to the class. Over the weekend I forgot to find out my address and phone number because, well, I forgot. So when Monday came and I remembered what I forgot I spent ten minutes or so trying to desprately recall the numbers that I should have already committed to memory. Time ran out, Mrs. Rooso called me up to the front and I had to admit that I didn't know. I was embarassed and ashamed that I couldn't do what everyone else in the class could do, which was underlined by Mrs. Rooso telling me that everyone else had done it. I ended up crying which finished what has become a fairly unhappy memory for me.

This has to do with a few things in my current life now. I don't like ordering things online or on the phone and I don't like going to the post office. It's not that I conciously dislike these things, I just avoid them and end up putting them off until it either has to be done or doesn't matter if it is done. It's silly, but that's what fear is. It's all kind of silly. Frankly, I'm kind of embarassed that I was embarassed in the first place and that I have let it effect me for so long. But now I know, and knoweldge is half the battle!

2006-09-28T14:11:00.000-05:00

If I hear or see one more person say or write "Live. Laugh. Love." I just might punch someone.

2006-09-25T01:12:00.000-05:00

MY GIRLFRIEND IS BETTER THAN YOURS

Today SH posed this question to me:

"Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla". Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an intelligence quotient of almost 85, and-most notably- a vague sense of self awareness. Oddly, the creature(who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at it's highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misderection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

you are commissioner of the nfl: would you allow this gorilla to sign with the oakland raiders?"

2006-09-24T03:22:00.000-05:00

Possibly the most hilarious three laws ever:

If a builder builds a house, and constructs it well, the owner will pay two shekels for each surface of the house.

If, however, he does not succeed, and the house falls in, killing the owner, the builder will be killed.

If the son of the owner dies, the son of the builder shall be killed.

2006-09-14T21:58:00.000-05:00

The things in my life that receive the most scorn are: things that are deemed good when they are average and things that have wasted potential.

More than two years after first hearing about "Garden State" I finally saw it and realized why I dislike it so much. It takes things that I can relate to and makes them seem trite. One thing I feel art should do, especially movies, is to comment on things in life and give a new view point or expand on an old one. Instead, "Garden State" takes things that are familiar to me and makes me hate them. It is one thing to be like "Just Friends" or "Step Up" because I know that those movies are going to be bad before I see them. "Garden State" on the other hand tricks you by examining aspects of life that are interesting but then does a bad job of following through with it.

It is unfortunate when things gain expectations for reasons beyond their control. I can imagine a universe where "Garden State" is a nice little film and everyone agrees that they wouldn't buy it for 10 but would buy it on sale for 5. Congratulations "Garden State" you're the Robert Gallery of movies.

2006-09-12T19:41:00.000-05:00

Brain said: "I don't think I will ever feel sorry for Randy Moss."

Then Lan asked: "What if he got triple cancer?"

"Nope."

Then I asked: "What if he got triple murdered?"

"Nope."

Then Tony asked: "What if he got mana screwed?"

"I'm not sure."

2006-09-06T23:45:00.000-05:00

I can't believe the NFL season is starting tomorrow! Ok, well I can believe it, I mean it happens every year, it's not that astonishing. The point is I can't wait to start watching games and looking at box scores! I suppose I can wait and will have to wait... infact I'm waiting right now. The point is that my favroite billion dollar corporation is about to start rendering its service to me and I'm excited.

2006-09-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

Fuck international basketball. Who cares anyway?

2006-08-28T00:43:00.000-05:00

"AW and AS seem like a perfect match for one another," TH mused "The most perfect couple in fact."

I paused then asked, "What about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?"

"I guess they're better."

"What about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?"

"Duuuuuuuude! They're like the perfect couple... Maybe Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie and me are the perfect couple!"

"Duuuuuuuude!"

2006-08-24T21:27:00.000-05:00

I give up. I turned on Baseball Tonight just now to see if I could get an Indians score only to find the panel of former players and analysts talking about if there were any similarities between Terrell Owen's hamstring injury and Manny Ramierez's injury. Give me back my sports TO!

2006-08-23T20:10:00.000-05:00

NL told me that he saw AH when he went to court for a speeding ticket.

"He was the maximun amount of greasy a person could be. He had this really long pony tail and everything."

"I guess it's getting less and less likely that he's going to turn it around like I've always hoped he would."

"Yeah, probably."

"What do you think is more likely: AH rasing himself up to my level or me falling down to his level?"

"I doubt you'd ever fall that far."

"Yeah it's hard for me to imagine LH, TH, AD, CC, and you all letting me fall like that."

"Maybe if you murdered one of us, then we might just push you down that road."

2006-08-22T21:55:00.000-05:00

I was talking to TH when I asked "Hey, can you bring over my controller please?"

"No."

"Oh, well, uh... I guess you just can't then because you would if you could right?"

"No, it'd actually be pretty easy for me I"m just not going to."

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah you know how it is, talk to you in a bit."

2006-08-21T21:24:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend I was apart of an eight man team that helped Lan move out of his apartment. Due to the amount of things Lan had he said I could take whatever I wanted.

This weekend I aquired:

Two brand new dress shirts, one L.A. Laker away jersey, one long sleved collared shirt, one white shirt with an american flag on it, one shirt that says "Houston", one CD shelf that can hold up to 110 CD cases, one copy of "The Portable Nietzsche", one copy of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", a one hundred foot phone cord, several eye patches, two posters (One of The Wu Tang Clan and the other of The Godfather), and a plastic cup the shape of a penis.

One man's trash is another man's treasure indeed!

2006-08-16T22:11:00.000-05:00

My boss RM is a sports expert. Look at the things he said today!

"I think Terrell Owens is the Cowboys problem now."

"Man, the Tigers, they started off so slow this year and now they're really coming on."

"I'm just not sold on Lebron James yet, he just hasn't proven that he can do it over the long haul yet."

2006-08-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today I saw TH for the first time in over 6 weeks and spent about 10 and one half hours with him. Welcome back TH we missed you here in pasa-getdown-dena!

2006-08-12T22:01:00.000-05:00

The last three movies Tim Allen has done are: "Zoom", "The Shaggy Dog", and "Christmas With the Kranks." Throw in the fact that he is the star of "The Santa Clause" one, two and three and the television show "Home Improvement" I really would like to know would anyone want to trade lives with Tim Allen?

2006-06-23T09:58:00.000-05:00

A good trick:

"Hey man do you want to go to this comic book convention with us?"

"Uh... yeah I guess so, why not?"

"How fucking nerdy are you? You can go by yourself, fucking nerd."

2006-06-18T15:09:00.000-05:00

An exert from "After the Quake" by Haruki Murakami:

"Mutual understanding is of critical importance. There are those that say 'understanding' is merely the sum total of our misunderstandings, and while I do find this view intresting in its own way, I am afraid that we have no time to spare on pleasent digressions. The best thing would be for us to achieve mutual understanding via the shortest possible route. Therefore, by all means, ask as many questions as you wish."

2006-06-06T18:17:00.000-05:00

Tony asked me today: "Would you rather be The MGM Lion at the begining of movies or Ryan Leaf?"

2006-06-05T07:42:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I checked off one of the things on my lifetime to do list. I called into a sports talk radio show and got on the air. I talked about the Pistons losing the series against the Heat as opposed to the Heat winning it and the hypocracy in the mdeia concerning how much the Lakers needed a third scorer versus how much the Heat need a third scorer. I felt as though I was articulate and hung up before I over stayed my welcome, perhaps this might become a regular thing for me to the point where I'm one of the guys with a nickname.

2006-05-30T06:58:00.000-05:00

"You can't arrest me. I'm a basketball player."

-Gilbert Arenas

2006-05-30T01:00:00.000-05:00

I found out after watching "Bravo's 100 Funniest Movies of All Time" that Rushmore is 34th, The Big Labowski is 33rd, Annie Hall is 28th funniest movies of all time. Clerks is 30th, Legally Blonde is 29th, and Wayne's World is 26th. I guess it doesn't do any good to get angrey but still, why can't it just be close to a real list? I would just feel better if the show was entitled "100 Funny Movies Presented in a Random Order."

2006-05-27T17:28:00.000-05:00

I think I've finally hit bottom. After watching the Colorado Rapids play the Real Salt Lake Football Club to a 2-2 tie I then watched the Detroit Shock over come a fourth quarter deficit to beat the Connecticut Sun in overtime. I'm not sure if I enjoyed watching these things because they filled a void or because I just like sports that much.

2006-05-21T14:47:00.000-05:00

I hope at the end of ABC's "Lost" the writers decide to go with the it was all just a dream ending. The main character would wake up and miss his connecting flight then say something like "What a crazy adventure!."

2006-05-21T03:21:00.000-05:00

This is a short story I wrote for one of my classes this past smester. I'm not proud of it, I'm not ashamed of it either. Hopefully it's average.

"A Father Figure Fails in the Forest"

He was rolling around in his bed as if the battle to go back to sleep could be won. Then, with a final death blow to his desires for the unconscious, his alarm went off and he sat up with a bolt.
“Come on, you’ve got a lot of shit to do and you can’t waste time just sitting here.”
With that he got up and started to get ready for his daily run. That day being Tuesday meant that he would be doing hill work in preparation for Heartbreak Hill in April. He had qualified for the Boston Marathon last year and during the preparation for the event he had become consumed with trying to condense his time. He even went out and bought an expensive Nike watch to help him keep track of his progress. Now armed with his watch and headphones he left for a park that held the hills he sought. After arriving and stretching he began her journey to squeeze his time.
About half way through he commented to himself “God I’m so sick, I feel really good as if I just started my route.” As he said this he checked his watch so he could see how fast he was going. When it read five minutes flat, he was brought to a screeching halt. “Goddamn piece of foreign made shit! I paid like eighty-five dollars for that now it’s broken? Fuck!” And with that, the short good life of his red Nike watch ended by being tossed into the bushes near where he stood. After a moment of silence he heard something coming from the bushes, someone groaning in pain.
“Hey are you alright—what the hell?” He saw a young woman wearing running cloths not unlike his own in pain. She was pretty cute although it was obvious that she wasn’t as serious as he was about running due to the lack of any kind of watch and her Fila shoes. “Are you ok?” After asking the question the pool of blood collecting under her became apparent forcing him to slouch his shoulders a bit. Hoping she was still conscious he asked “Is there anything I can do?”
Her haze was disturbed as she recognized that someone else was present. “What? Yeah I think I might die, I’m not sure how long I’ve been here. I can’t really feel my legs.”
“Holy shit, we have to get you to a hospital or something.”
“Would we even make it? How close is the nearest one, this place is pretty far out from pretty much anywhere? Maybe it’s just my time to go.”
Silence over took both of them for a few moments. Until she broke it when she said “There is something you could do though.”
“What? Anything.”
“You could love me so I could will all of my stuff to you. I don’t have a lot but it’s enough for one person and I hate the thought of it all going to waste. Could you do that for me?”
“What? How do you mean love you? Isn’t there anyone else you’d want me to tell, next of kin or whatever?”
“There’s nobody to tell, just you. So what do you say, do you want to try and love me?”
“I still don’t know what you mean.”
“Love! You know: doves, old people holding hands, sacrifice, pink and red, obsession, marriage. I want someone special in my life.”
“How could I possibly love you? We just met and I don’t know anything about you? I’d have to look at your CD collection and find out what movies and television shows you like. We’d have to go on dates and play a bunch of stupid games until we were relaxed around each other, then we could be in love but now we don’t have enough time for that.”
“We can fall in love now and when I will all of my stuff to you then you can look at all of that. Just listen to me.”
With this he sat down and looked at her as she started in. “Well, I really like it when one of my close friends throws a party with a bunch of people and because there are so many people I have to help out and become responsible for things around the house. It makes me feel like I’m important and that I belong and that I have power, it’s a really cool feeling. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, kind of. Like at my friends birthday party I helped get drinks because no one knew where the cups were.”
“Exactly, I really don’t like parties though… I like the feeling I get when I shave my legs. It’s a brand new start, I feel refreshed. Forgiven almost, just like whatever happened while that hair was there is gone and past now. And even though it’s going to grow back in a few days it puts me into a really good mood for no reason.”
“Like baseball.” He said grinning a wide grin.
“How do you mean?”
“Well in baseball no matter what happens the pitcher has to move on to the next inning, hitter, pitch or whatever. They can’t bother thinking about what happened before if it was good or bad because the present is the only thing that matters, and while they know where they want to get they have to deal with things now. God, baseball is such a great game, it’s so slow, but the slowness of the game is what makes it great. I’ll have to take you to a game sometime.” The pool of blood that had been slightly noticeable before had become obvious, as obvious as his new friends fate. “Please let’s try to take you to a hospital!”
“No it’s fine; we’re having so much fun here. I’m just gonna close my eyes and enjoy the nice weather. If I die while I’m asleep my wallet and keys are in my pocket, you seem to love me enough to be willed my stuff.”
“But I don’t, I can’t love you only just having met you, if we tried to save you then I could love you later, but not now.”
“Well, suit yourself; if you don’t love me then just report my death at least.”
Then she closed her eyes and faded away finally losing the fight that we are all destined to lose. He tried to wake her to no avail until finally giving up. He picked out her keys and wallet intending to give them to the police when his nose became stuffy and his eyes started to well up. Then he left the park, not in his own car, to find out what kind of music she listened to.

2006-05-18T02:40:00.000-05:00

I would like Kathy Griffin's stand up routine "Strong Black Woman" if it wasn't intended to be something to entertain me. If it were a random story I heard I would probably think it was really hilarious, but because my expectations are different for stand up comedians and random stories she comes off as really stupid. It's just weird how I can imagine thinking some of these things are funny, but instead just scowl and shake my head.

2006-05-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

When asked if he was looking forward to visting the White House Joey Porter said: "Yeah, I got something to say to Bush, I'm going to have a swagger when I walk in there, too, I'm looking forward to it. I have something to tell him, too. I don't like the way things are running right now. I feel like he has to give me some of my money back, so I got something to tell Bush."

I don't like the Steelers much, but I love Joey Porter. Having an opinion is something that I admire, but having an opinion when your opinion matters to people is something even better. Here's to you Joey!

2006-05-14T20:29:00.000-05:00

I'm not a manly kind of guy, ever since I can really remember I have tried to be more of the sensitive type. A side effect of this is a lack of knoweledge in anything like cooking meat, cars, or home repair. To get by I have been forced to develop caned lines that I can use to try and fool people into thinking that I know a little bit. Some of the best ones are as follows:

"It's so tender you could use it to make a sandwhich."

"When he accelerates it's so loud. He must have a glass back muffler."

"Your grass looks really good, it's cut very evenly."

Try them at home!

2006-05-13T01:51:00.000-05:00

I remember a long time ago saying: "Stroke 9 is the new Semisonic!"

2006-05-10T13:49:00.000-05:00

"God I wish that guy would have hit me so I could sue his stupid ass."
"Why?" NL asked, "I don't think you'd get much."
"I could get his truck probably."
"I guess. I just don't think he has many 'assets' if you know what I mean."
"I think I do you racist."
"Hey man, I'm not a racist I'm a realist

2006-05-07T19:34:00.000-05:00

Carrying "A Fool's Errand" while reading it exposes one to the possibility of some pretty devistating and dangerous irony.

2006-05-07T16:49:00.000-05:00

AD: "My wife better like crappy 80's action movies."

2006-05-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

Cinco de Mayo is holiday time, holiday time in Mexico!

2006-05-05T04:11:00.000-05:00

A while ago, CC and I were talking about the ins and outs of the choice of movie for the first movie you watch with a girl. The debate asked if it would be better to take a safe pick and watch something like "I Heart Huckabees" so as to allow some sort of margin for error or if you should strive to know immediatly where you stand by watching "Annie Hall". In the first case if your date doesn't like "I Heart Huckabees" it is forgivable and you can still, with a clean concious, date that person. Not liking "Annie Hall" however makes whoever pretty undefendable. But still the question is now or later?

After watching "Annie Hall" again and remembering how great it is I decided that I would want to know sooner rather than later. Within that movie is a wide range of emotions and truths that I would want someone I'm intrested in to unerstand. If they didn't get it those parts of it or didn't like those parts of it, why should I waste any more of my time with that person? I've always said making quick accurate decisions is a very important and useful skill, "Annie Hall" just helps me to that end.

2006-05-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

JD: "...Yeah that part was really cool."

Me: "Thanks. Way to go. Way to add absoultely nothing to the conversation you piece of shit."

2006-05-02T21:39:00.000-05:00

A teacher of mine said to me today "You know, Andy, your wit and natural ability can only take you so far."

The exact lesson I have been trying to learn since 8th grade.

2006-03-15T02:58:00.000-06:00

"The most decadent lifestyle I can think of," I was telling Tony, "is one where instead of clearing three lines with a long piece, you continue building and hope for two consecutive long pieces for back to back life affirming tetrises."

2006-03-01T22:22:00.000-06:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, which prompts me to tell a funny story about Ash Wednesday.

In 1999, because of infighting in the church, my dad resigned from position of Sr Pastor at First Presbyterian Church of Pasadena. A year later during the Ash Wednesday service at First Pres. the ashes used to mark the foreheads of the church goers turned into lye. Everyone at that service (including the people who forced my dad to resign) were marked not only with ash but with a scare from a burn that wouldn't go away for sometime.

The moral of the story is: Don't fuck with my family or be prepared to face the wrath of God.

2006-03-01T22:19:00.000-06:00

My Grandma sent me a valentines card, admitedly a bit late, but still appriciated. On the inside of the card was a temporary tattoo of a knife going through a heart that says "Forever Yours." Thanks Grandma!

2006-03-01T22:15:00.000-06:00

Sugar on my Tounge is possibly the sexiest song ever. My new goal in life is to make out with a girl while it is playing. Or at least to see it used in a movie during a similar situation.

2006-02-19T18:01:00.000-06:00

I was very excited when I bought a Moleskine today and told CT as much.

"Congratdulations," she said mockingly. "You're on your way to being a wannabe Hemingway now."

"Sick, now I'll write a story about how much of a bitch you are."

2006-02-16T23:16:00.000-06:00

SF: "i'm so drcunk"
Me: ":("
SF: "oh sorry wrong persn"

2006-02-15T11:30:00.000-06:00

I said to an older classmate in my Texas Government class, "Oh that's a cool picture of Hilary Clinton you have there. I hope she runs in 2008."

"That's a picture of my son."

"Oh."

2006-02-06T17:16:00.000-06:00

When I die my belongings will be sorted out in this mannor:

A list of the 12 most important people in my life will be compiled.

These 12 people will be sent a list of all of my belongings.

A week after everyone recieves that list a meeting will be held at my estate, or my lawyers office.

At that time a draft of my belongings will be held.

The order for the draft will be determined by rolling dice.

The draft continues until there is nothing left.

For those of you who care about me, please make sure this happens!

2006-02-06T17:13:00.000-06:00

I was talking to a friend when I yelled "She is Jack Seven off suit! That isn't a playable hand!"

"Sometimes in short handed games it's alright."

"Look, you're playing in the biggest ring game of all time, it's called love."

2006-01-31T11:17:00.000-06:00

Tonight will mark our current president's sixth State of the Union Speech, and as much as it will pain me to do so I plan to watch all of it. A few classmates of mine told me that they would do the opposite, because simply "It's Bush, why should I listen to what he has to say?" Ironicly, this kind of stupidity and closeminded doctrine is the very thing that Bush stands for and is why my classmates resent him. Regardless of political views, if you love Bush, hate Bush or whatever the fact is he is still our President. He has more sway in our country and in the world than any other American citizen and that kind of outrageous power demands everyone's attention. Even if you disagree with 100% of the things he says, it is good to at least know what he is saying so that you, as a functioning person in society, can say "I disagree with the President on the issues of X, Y, and Z for reasons A, B and C." One of the most annoying things I can imagine is the crazy liberal who hates a politician and refuses to work with them and only wants to work against them. Bush is the best president we have right now because he is the only president we have right now, so we all might as well listen to what he has to say and work out our differences afterwards.

2006-01-28T05:29:00.000-06:00

JM was telling me about the date he had just been on when he said: "Yeah, when I got there I saw that she brought her friend along too."

To which I replied: "Seems like she brought two friends with her."

2006-01-26T11:40:00.000-06:00

Lan! You being alive might be the most important thing in the world, at least more important than the Super Bowl. Please get better soon!

2006-01-23T22:54:00.000-06:00

AD told me "Personally I believe that I have set the standard of Myspace and Xanga design."

2006-01-16T16:32:00.000-06:00

Yesterday AD and I were watching Venus Williams dominate Tszvetana Pironkova in the first set of their match at the Australian Open.

As Venus went up 4-1 AD asked, "You think she's got this one wraped up?"

"She's ranked 10th in the world! I'd imagine this goes 6-2 6-0."

"Yeah, coming back from this seems pretty impossible."

Imagine my supprise when I read this from Yahoo Sports:

"Venus Williams had no such luck. The Wimbledon champion sprayed 65 unforced errors Monday in her 2-6, 6-0, 9-7 first-round loss to Bulgaria's Tszvetana Pironkova."

2005-12-25T11:59:00.000-06:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2005-12-18T16:23:00.000-06:00

Even though it is my personal goal to avoid stupid relationships I am resigned to the fact that in all relationships there is a level of bullshit.

With that in mind it is important to remember this rule:

"Every time I dictate how you feel is a victory."

2005-12-18T16:09:00.000-06:00

I asked FN is she was going to talk about the terrible working conditions for workers in the 1800's on her textile final.

"No, I'm going to say: 'Cotton fibers are staple fibers and can be woven into jacquard weaves, double cloth, plain weaves, and other assorted weaves'"

"Oh." I said, "I thought you didn't want to be a house wife?"

"The average housewife doesn't know these things."

"Well yeah nowadays. Back when house wives were doing what they should have been they did. Now they're all trying to 'work' and 'vote' and 'speak out' about their 'opinions' I mean, they just lose sight of the important things."

"Well perhaps you should tell this to your new girl and then she'd agree to become one for you."

"I will. I just have to do it slowly. Yes, slowly cripple her mental state with constant pressure until I break her. Then it's the Fun Fair Riots with a grab bag of sex and christmas cookies that I've always wanted."

2005-12-15T00:52:00.000-06:00

I'm currently listening to "Roxanne" by The Police and eating salt and vinegar Pringles. I cannot tell, for the life of me, if I am incredibly unhappy or incredibly content.

2005-12-11T20:25:00.000-06:00

Lan said yesterday "If you don't fucking pick that up right now I swear to God I'm going to blind you."

He then left the room and came back a few seconds later.

"If you think I mean I'm going to gouge your eyes out, you're wrong. What I ment was that I'm going to nut all over your face."

2005-12-09T11:35:00.000-06:00

Last night, CB, AD, NL, and I went to Pizza Hut, where after getting our drinks we agreed that our waitress was reasonably attractive. After our meal and paying the bill, it was quite obvious that despite her above average looks every other worker at Pizza Hut worshiped her. I guess it's just nice to know that everything is relative.

2005-12-09T11:27:00.000-06:00

AD while creating a myspace profile said "Man I don't know who'd I like to meet. OH! How about Machivelli and Robocop?"

"Why would you want to meet Machivelli?" NL asked.

"I have no idea why I would want to meet the creator of democracy."

"Oh, that Machivelli, that's fine then."

2005-12-06T17:35:00.000-06:00

My Government teacher today asked "Oliver Wendall Holmes said, 'You have the freedom of speech but not...' what?"

"The right to speak freely?" I guessed.

"No."

"Freedom to say what you want?"

"You're just guessing. Come on, this is a famous catch phrase from the 1920's!"

"Oh!" another classmate of mine exclaimed, "Did he say you have the right to free speech but not the right to ride those tricycles with the really big front wheel?"

2005-12-04T02:19:00.000-06:00

December the 3rd marked my 10th year of living in the state of Texas.

I moved here in 3rd grade from North Carolina and haven't really looked back. Eventually I will probably invest in a bumper sticker that says "I wasn't born here but I got here as soon as I could."

Among other things, once being its own country, biggest state in the continental United State, and most of all "Texas, bigger than France", make it easily the coolest state in the union. Way cooler than pussy shit Maine or South Dakota.

I love Texas, don't mess with it!

2005-11-29T23:45:00.000-06:00

A fortune I got today read:

"You have many talents that will attract many friends, use them."

Will do fortune cookie!

2005-11-29T23:24:00.000-06:00

Today when I walked into the little store at Austin Community College I greeted the worker, whom I have a nice and understood relationship with, looked at the radio and frowned.

"Did The Killers come out with a new single or something?" I asked.

"No, this is The Bravery."

"Oh." I frowned

"Yeah."

2005-11-27T23:14:00.000-06:00

Memo to the general public--

If you make a list of music you're intrested and it looks like this:
Death Cab for Cutie, Interpol, The Postal Service, The Mars Volta, Dropkick Murpheys, Flogging Molly, System of a Down, Alanis Morisette, Green Day, blink-182, Fallout Boy, Head Automatica, My Chemical Romance, Rhapsody, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Queen, Sugarcult, Sum 41, The Doors, Pink Floyd, The Killers, The Matches, The Who, Weezer, Yellowcard, Reliant K, Straylight Run, Tenacious D, Bloc Party, The Decemberists, Dream Theater...

don't fucking talk to me.

2005-11-24T11:12:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

2005-11-21T16:26:00.000-06:00

Today in my math class my professor explained the difference between straight math problems and application problems, and why the answers for these different problems needed to be different.

"You see, in math if you put 'The square root of 28' we would understand what that is, so the answer is appropriate. But if you were to go to a gas station and ask for 'The square root of 28 gallons of gas' they would punch your lights out! Even if you simplified it to 2 times the square root of 7 they would get angry. For them to understand you have to put it in decimal form, they like it that way, it makes them happy."

I feel as though my professor, at one point in his life, got beaten up at a gas station for being a smart ass.

2005-11-21T16:24:00.000-06:00

It is as if posters on Myspace looked into the deepest parts of my soul and copied what they saw...

Gemini:
Nice. Love is one of a kind. GREAT LISTENERS
VERY GOOD IN BED. LOVER NOT A FIGHTER BUT
STILL PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT. TRUSTWORTHY.

Hell yeah!

2005-11-21T00:00:00.000-06:00

Let's just say that I "saw" this "random girls" "profile" on myspace, then sent her this "message".

Hey, My name is Andy. In your profile you say you admire "People who aren't afraid to speak their mind and who stand up for what they believe in." I feel very strongly about "How to lose a guy in 10 days" and how it's a terrible movie. Infact, I would go as far to say that I can judge you as a person with poor taste in pop culture just because you like this movie. Why do people (girls in particular) like movies with such a paper thin plot, bad acting, and even worse writing? I can literally think of one thousand things that would have been better for you to do other than watch that movie. What is wrong with you? Anyway, hope your day went well. Please show more care with what you pay money for.

always,
Andy

2005-11-17T17:49:00.000-06:00

I figured out how to act older than you are, regardless of age.

First gauge how much you care about a given subject.

Then in the final step of the process, care less than you did before.

2005-11-14T17:12:00.000-06:00

A while ago I was talking to Tony when I said, "That's just her, what did you expect? She isn't a very thoughtful person."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what would be thoughtful, a blowjob!"

2005-11-14T17:11:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday Dad!

2005-11-14T17:10:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday Tony!

2005-11-08T16:20:00.000-06:00

I voted

2005-11-01T20:48:00.000-06:00

Remember kids, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

2005-10-26T23:19:00.000-05:00

A while ago (About 6 weeks) my girlfriend SH broke up with me. We had been going out for 2 and a half years or so and she ment a lot to me. We broke up because she is moving to Oregon and didn't feel as though she could carry on a long distance relationship. Also, and I might add seperatly, she began to develop a relationship with RW who is a long time family friend. (And actually her former babysitter!) For a while I tricked myself into thinking that SH would wake up from her dreams of RW and come back to me, realizing that I am obviously the best choice. Now after a perliminary trip to Oregon SH decided that her and I getting back togeather was at 0 percent. This wasn't a shock to me, I knew all along that SH wouldn't have made this decssion on a whim, and that she was going to go through with it no matter how unfair or stupid it may have seemed to me. I appriciate the mannor in which she handled this entire process making it very easy for me to reach the point where I am now, that being, acceptance.

My feeling coming away from this is that SH and I were in love. Now that seems very dramatic, but I feel as though the term "love" isn't understood by most people. Love occurs in a relationship when the two people are involved are attracted to one another and are progressing in the same direction. By those standards we were in love, we were comitted to each other and experienced everything that people in relationships should. It wasn't anything supernatural, there weren't fireworks, it was very normal but very enjoyable. People, girls in particular, seem to feel that love will carry with it this overwhelming feeling that will sweep them off their feet into the marrige they've always dreamed about. To me it is something that can be achieved with anyone for any amount of time. Which would explain how people get divorced after 20 years of being married. Or why people will date for so long then decide they're not happy. Relationships exist for the short time when two people are on the same page and feel the same about that given page. It is very unspectacular and not very special.

With all of that said, apart of me will always be with SH and remember her for all the good she did for me. She did a lot and contributed directly to the person I am today, for that I am thankful. It is unfortunate that we didn't work out, but like I said, I understand now that we are on different pages with different ideas of what those pages say.

2005-10-24T20:26:00.000-05:00

FN signed online. In response, I messaged her saying "Hey."

FN then signed off not once acknowledging that I had said "Hey" to her. Irate I immediately called her cell phone saying "If you think you can pull this shit on me you got another thing coming sister!"

"What?"

"I want you to acknowledge that I said 'Hey'."

"Well you're yelling at me so I don't acknowledge that."

"You already did by answering your phone! So I win."

"I hate you."

2005-10-24T16:44:00.000-05:00

My new paradigm:

Because it is presented to me as fact I will accept it as fact.

2005-10-23T17:48:00.000-05:00

Another example of poker being a guiding light for living.

"... everything you do at the poker table needs to have a reason-there needs to be a well thought-out process behind each play." (Howard Lederer and Annie Duke, Phil Gordan's Little Green Book, XVIII)

2005-10-23T13:24:00.000-05:00

"Why don't you buy a portable hard drive?" Lan said, "Then I can give you all the music I have on my computer."

"How much does one of those cost?" CH asked

"Around one hundred."

"Yeah right. If I'm gonna spend a hundred dollars I'm buying a cowboy hat."

"Why don't you buy a hard drive and a cowboy hat?"

"I don't have two hundred dollars to spend."

2005-10-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

Nothing pleases me more than hearing President Bush's approval rating being demonstrated with a slide whistle.

2005-10-17T00:30:00.000-05:00

A lot of times I find myself coming out of movies or conversations that leave me empty. I think to myself "Wouldn't I be more happy if I had just done 1,000 push-ups or read a book on Freud instead?" It seems as though this should apply not only to short experiences like a conversation but to anything we do in our life. The trick is that we need to know before and not after that we would have rather done 1,000 push-ups.

2005-10-14T14:21:00.000-05:00

I was talking to my cousine ealier today when I said, "I gotta go, I haven't gotten anything done today."

AG:"Alright, I went to English... we watched a movie about Bond Girls, so I guess I havn't done anything either."

Me: "What in the world?"

2005-10-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

My theory is that the inspiration for Marvin Gaye's album Let's Get It On stems from his childhood when kids would ask Marvin if he was "Gay" or not. Hence calling his sexuality into question but also pointing out that his last name is funny.